Becoming a Bad Romance Author...

...takes a lot of hard, studious work and a serious dedication to...wait, that's not right...it takes a comfy bean-bag type chair and a big bag of Doritos. Just add an unhealthy gallon of root beer and you've got an instant bad romance.

And don't let little things like grammar, sentence structure, spelling, or plot get in your way. They are merely hurdles to leap over in the 100-meter dash of bad romance writing.

Sometimes I adhere to some of these rules, and sometimes to all at once. It's really up to you...just don't overexert yourself. An unhealthy mind equals unhealthy writing. And that's really the goal of this exercise.

My five basic rules to writing bad romances:

Basic Rule 1) Gender Stereotyping

Women are helpless, virginal, and emotional. They represent classic Disney herione types that are often waiting to be "saved" by a man.
On the other hand, we have the tomboy-ish prudish man-haters with a prickly personality that really conceals a fear of intimacy.

Men are scarred, revenge-minded, close-mouthed mystery-men. They often have secret, undercover, spy-hero jobs. Usually they had been burned by some horrible bitch of a wife/mistress/first love/mother in their past, and are now mistrustful of all womens' motives.

In more rare cases, the men in bad romances are bookish, nerdy and often distracted with some kind of weird scientific hobby (bugs, ancient history, breeding horses...). Sometimes these guys have hidden or suppressed bad boy tendencies. The women they attract end up admiring them for their logical minds and surprisingly hot bodies (though I think the latter has much to do with artistic license). Hot nerds? Is this possible? In a bad romance, anything is possible!

In whatever character type you choose, make sure they've both had something in their past that occurred to scar them for their present attitude--had a bad husband/wife, witnessed a murder/war, were left to bad/neglectful parents, stuck with gambling siblings who lose family fortune, or hold some kind of secret or coveted treasure.

The women, in particular, run across many similar themes: they were ugly (flat-chested and spotty) and became beautiful (bountiful and porcelain-like), were poor but made rich through eccentric relative/surprise financial success, work as governess/ladies' companion, or my personal favorite, end up being blackmailed into sex/marriage.

Coming up...Basic Rule 2): Setting a Romantic Rendezvous (or Finding Places to Hump)

This is a re-post from my old blog--I uploaded it again, 'cause I actually plan to finish it this time! : )